Examining the Term "Afford"

Posted on: August 16, 2007

I gave a teleclass earlier this year about the word ‘afford’ and how that word
controls us. I started to think about other aspects of ‘afford’, those of pattern, habit and belief. Our beliefs around what we can and can’t ‘afford’ come, like all our money beliefs, from our parents. We learned by observation what was affordable, and what wasn’t.

Often the message was that practical things were affordable and whimsical things weren’t. Of course, every family had a different perspective on what was and wasn’t practical and whimsical. The messages were subtle, yet powerful. Things about money may not have been openly discussed, but we learned anyway what was okay and what was not. In a recent teleclass one of the participants talked about an item of clothing she had recently purchased as being perfectly adequate. It was good enough for now. I could hear the voices of many mothers echoing in that statement. There was, in all our lives, no doubt, a time when perfectly adequate was just fine. If I was buying clothes for a teenager or a child, I might very well make a choice that was perfectly adequate. After all, the kid would no doubt grow out of or wear out the clothing in a short amount of time. But as an adult perfectly adequate is the perpetuation of an old pattern and belief.

As an adult, I may keep my clothes for many years. My clothes only get discarded because I have changed sizes, the styles have drastically changed, or I don’t really like them. The perfectly adequate criterion doesn’t work so well there. I want clothes that I will love, wear often and be pleased to see in my closet for a long time. Adequate is a place that doesn’t feel that way to me.

What patterns and words associated with them are you carrying forward from your parent’s money views? And do they still apply to you now?

Those old beliefs, habits and patterns are easy to keep. They are comfortable and predictable. And they just may be keeping you from having a fuller and deeper life. They may be keeping you treating yourself like a teenager when you are an adult. They may be sending you a message that you don’t quite deserve what you want. Would two sweaters that were perfectly adequate at $30 really serve you better than one you simply love for $60? It’s the same money, but a different choice, a choice about honoring yourself and your feelings of being deserving and worthy. The choice is about quality instead of quantity.

There is no right or wrong here. There are only choices. My desire is to have you making those choices for yourself in a conscious manner instead of having them run by very old and often outlived patterns from your childhood.

Shell Tain of Sensible Coaching is a money coach. She works with people, helping them change their habits and beliefs surrounding money, and guiding them towards plenty and prosperity. Shell believes we can all enjoy bigger and fuller lives. She takes you from the crunch to the ka-ching! Shell’s clients range in income, professions, and lifestyles; she successfully coaches individuals, budding entrepreneurs (more than a quarter of her clients are in real estate and mortgage related fields), couples, small groups, corporate teams. Call or email her to schedule a free, sample session; you can also sign-up to join her monthly teleclass.